The First 48 - Part 1

So you have carried your baby for all these months (in my case 37 weeks) and you go to the hospital to welcome your bundle of joy. As a first time mom I’m sure you have no idea what to expect. I sure as hell didn’t know what to expect.

After a bit of a rough pregnancy which resulted in bed rest and a mild case of pre eclampsia I was to be induced at 37 weeks. In a way that worked for me since I’m a plan type of person. I DO NOT do spontaneous very well so knowing I had to be in the hospital on that day at that time worked for me.

We checked into the hospital at 5:00 on Friday September 22nd and after a long wait while they cleaned up a room I got settled into my delivery room with a perfect view of the busy street outside where I spent a lot of time traffic watching. Got hooked up to monitors and was given a dose of cervidal to soften my cervix. By the way they literally have to push this thing way way way up behind your cervix if you didn’t know. Not the most comfortable experience. I spent the entire night with this waiting patiently for it to do what it needed to do. Catching up on episodes of The Blacklist and traffic watching really helps get your mind off things to come. Throw in  baby moving away from the monitors and the nurse constantly coming in to adjust it and well didn’t get much sleep in.

Roll into Saturday where after 12 hours of cervidal and I’m still only dilated 1cm. I arrived at 1 cm so basically nothing happened. Another dose of cervidal had me having contractions back to back. The pain was intensified with each one but guess what, I’m still only dilated 1 measly cm. My body is shaking from the pain and the hubs is giving me a helpless look while both my heart rate and the baby’s are going a bit haywire. The nurse gives me a dose of something for the pain which in 3 seconds flat has me knocked out.

I felt like what I imagine a coma feels like. I’m trapped in my own body while I can hear everything that is going on around me but hey I’m not in pain anymore. In my mind I’m having full on conversations with my husband, and my mom and my sister which I’m thinking when did they get here? To them I’m a bumbling mess. I wake up at what I believe was 1 hour later but truthfully was about 4 hours later to my doctor immediately coming in to discuss our options. Try another round of cervidal which could practically do the same thing to me as the second dose did or we can essentially do an emergency c-section which is a longer recovery time but the safest for me and baby. Try making that decision while you feel like you just woke up from a coma and your brain is practically still trying to catch up with what the hell just happened to you. Let’s not forget husband, mommy sister, doctor and nurse are all staring at you to make this decision pronto. Okay  doc you got it c-section it is.

This all goes by very fast mind you. All these different nurses and doctors are instantly in and out of the room discussing anesthesia and what exactly is going to happen once I get into the OR and I have no time to wrap my head around any of this because my brain is still trying to catch up to what happened earlier and why did that drug mess me up so bad.

In no time I am in an operating room getting an epidural. Curtain is up and there is lots of chatter around me. I’m shivering like I’m standing naked in the snow and wondering where the hell is my husband. Hubs comes in and while I am waiting to feel the “pressure” they tell you that you will feel. I hear the anesthesiologist turn to my husband and say stand up to see your baby.

Uhh WHAT? I’m still waiting to feel the pressure of them cutting me open and taking the baby out?

Now mind you while I’m lying there numb and I mean really numb from the waist down and still sort of drugged from earlier and I guess the morphine they injected me with before the epidural all I can think about is that one scene from Kill Bill where Uma Thurman is sitting in the back of the van repeating “wiggle your big toe.” That didn’t work on me. My big toe refused to wiggle.

I hear baby cries, the hubs is in tears and thanking me while showing me a picture he took of our gooey daughter and I am so lost in what’s going on that I’m still waiting for the pressure. 7:14PM on September 23rd 2017 our baby was born weighing 6lbs 11oz and 19” long. I get to see and kiss my baby girl for all of 2 minutes then she and the hubs are whisked away while they finish closing me up. Again while I am isolated in that room with only 3 out of the 10 or so team left in there with me I can’t help but go back to Kill Bill and wiggling my big toe. It’s very frustrating when your body parts won’t do what you want it to by the way.

Before I know it I am back in my delivery room with nurses all around me putting my little girl on my chest for skin to skin time. My mom and sister are still there now joined by my aunt and cousin. Pictures are being taken while I try to marvel in the fact that “holy shit I am a mom now” all the while still trying to catch up to the day and wiggle my big toe.